When it hurts;

Sometimes i get so frustrated that i just want to throw things.
I want to scream, and i want to cry.
For YOU.
I want to take it all away, because people like you  shouldnt have this.
But you do.
And there is nothing i can say to make it better.
To fix it.
To pull the mess out and tidy it allllll up.
Because im the strong one.
I am the one you come to with your problems.
I am the one that tries so desperatly to fix those problems, whatever they may be.
But sometimes this happens.
Then theres no going back.
Nothing i can do.
And it makes me feel helpless.
I like being the girl that people count on to have a smile every day,
To make them smile.
To brighten their day.
And let my light shine.
But this light hurts right now.
It hurts for Jessica. It hurts for Jacey.
And i just want it gone.
I need it to all go away.
It hurts for my grandfather. And for m uncle.
Freaking gosh Adam!
Why did you do that to us?
Do you know how hard it is for grandma?
Do you know that i think about you very time i go to the basement?
Even the dang CAT misses you.
Pepper misses you.
Almost six years and she STILL cries for you.
I see our picture on the wall, holding me, helping me open presents as a little girl.
You were like one of my dads.
It cut deep when you decided to put out your light.
And then i cut deep.
If you were here, id show you my scars.
And maybe.

Miss Teen Wordpower

Dear 3 years,

I am so overjoyed to tell you how utterly finished i am with the way you have gone.

All my life i have shut up and moved on. It hurt everytime. But would you believe me when i say that i had no clue just how much it hurt until i was hurting myself?

Which was why i had to create this new blog, dedicated to moving on and being happy.

Making my family and friends happy, and most importantly, making the LORD happy.

I know now that if i had only put my faith fully in him that i could have gone up this hill, and sailed to the bottom on all the joy that following the commandments and letting VIRTUE garnish my htoughts unceasingly.

And i never would have felt this way if my family hadnt been transferred to the other branch.

When i came to the TC branch i was sure that i was going to hate it.

But after a couple weeks, i realized that these girls need me SO SO SO much.

And i need them.

Thanks to, Amamda and Marie, Sophie (my shrimpers), Daneen, Mama Kim, Lauren, Brenea, Gary, and the Sister missionaries.
Thank you to my seminary teacher, who has inspired me to live the Gospel in the biggest way.

A HUGE thank you to my pretty much "brother(:" Devon, whos life has also inspired me to chose the right at all times and in all things and in all places. He has been there for me when i made the biggest mistake of my life, and i cant ever show my gratitude in a way that would be comprable to how much he has shown me in my life. He is a TRUE best friend.

Thank you to my parents who have always been there, though i kind of resent them at the moment.

And thank you to my BEST FRIENDS.

GINA

ALISON

LAUREN

JESSICA

&&&&&

DEVON(:

for showing me that i dont need others approval to make myself happy.

Sincerest apologies,

Kara...

 

Oh, you make me smile.

Everyday I am smiling. I LOVE TO SMILE!
Why?
'Cause it makes other people smile.
And when you smile, it makes your heart happy.